VP asked me few weeks ago: “Do you ever get feeling you are not tuned in to your employees.”
I asked him to elaborate. He explained that employees didn’t seem to be paying attention to anything he said. He was concerned. “Somehow, I seem to be turning them off.”
Reminded me of article I had read in Admired Leadership few months ago. Before mentioning article I need to make sure I was hearing him.
I asked him to describe his leadership style. He said “confident , quick to make decisions, used to thinking on my own. That’s why I was promoted over this team, but I feel I’m losing them.”
I mentioned the article. Asked him if following thoughts struck a chord.
Article said that newer leaders are often used to thinking and making decisions on their own. When they get input, they are already factoring that information into decision…they have already made. Often appears they are not listening.
Leaders by nature are confident. They also have strong convictions. Sometimes even resist compromises/changes. Leader in article appeared to listen. In reality, was not listening. Hearing words that confirmed their decision or conviction. His team was so used to him making decisions they assumed he really didn’t care what they thought.
The team was no longer engaged. Why think hard on topic if it’s not going to be taken seriously? Article said the team started to question leader’s motives. Trust was diminishing rapidly. So, team just started to agree.
Leader in article was going into conversations with his mind already made up. He was telegraphing that to the team. It didn’t mean that every part of decision was made. Just that overall direction had been decided by leader. Input that supported that decision was fine. Differing input was not desired, and leader was telegraphing that.
There is difference between:
Sincerely arriving at decision and seeing if the team agrees.
Appearing to just ask questions, when leader had firmly made up their mind.
In latter case, leader is telling their team to keep their opinions to themselves. Instead of building trust, leader ends up eroding trust.
Best leaders don’t ask questions when they already know answers. They ask questions about things that remain un-answered.
Leader in article needed reminder to only seek information that would influence the decision. When leader has made decision, they need to clearly convey that to their teams. The challenge team to find holes.
VP said he needed to think about this. Called him back couple weeks later to see how his thought process was coming.
“More I thought about that article, the closer to home it was.”
My follow-up: What conclusions have you arrived at? His response:
“-I scheduled meeting with my team earlier today.
“I scheduled meeting with my team earlier today.
Told them I needed their input. I was getting the feeling I was turning them off. Their input is important, I can’t have them just going along for the ride.
When I talk with you, do I appear to already have my mind made up?
Boy did that open pandoras box. I really got an earful.”
Turns out I was making all the mistakes we talked about last week. Without knowing it.
Conclusions team and I came to:
-Yes I would continue to convey direction I felt we should go.
Yes I would continue to convey direction I felt we should go.
What we needed to do was not open to discussion. How we do it is wide open.
I’m going to outline my areas of concern. Ask for their concerns. Whether they agree with mine.
They are going to come up with options to address all concerns.
Then we will jointly review how/if that impacts base direction.
Last we dissected current project we are on and areas we needed to address.
That was two weeks ago. Called him yesterday to see how it is going.
“Team and I are getting along much better. Part was their starting to understand how I work. Part was my communicating differently. Third part is, their challenging me and us.
Summary
So darn easy to fall into patterns of behavior. Often without realizing it
Value of reading several leadership newsletters as well as leadership books: is continual reminder we all need to change continuously. Newsletters and books give us new, and remind us of older solutions that still work.
AI can streamline many mundane operations. Leaders are still responsible for thinking and teaching their teams how to think.
Interested in Admired Leadership? https://admiredleadership.substack.com/
Tom Ferree is the founder of Ferree & Associates and SecureEmploy, organizations focused on helping companies find exceptional talent and helping professionals advance their careers. Since founding Ferree & Associates in 1977, Tom has worked extensively with hospitality companies, executives, and rising leaders across the industry. Through SecureEmploy, he shares practical career strategies, leadership insights, and real-world advice to help professionals grow their careers and help organizations build stronger teams.
